Yes, I did choose foster care.
Yes, I did choose to adopt.
No, I didn’t choose for my kids to be removed from their biological parents.
No, I didn’t choose for the foster care system to be so incredibly broken.
No, I didn’t choose for bio mom and dad to fail.
No, I didn’t choose for CPS to leave my kids with me 5 MONTHS after I decided I couldn’t adopt them.
No, I didn’t choose for this to be so painful. It just was.
As a foster or adoptive parent we hear these three more often than you would think, “You choose this.” As if we are supposed to be immune to the pain, suffering, and incredible complexity and unpredictability that comes with foster care simply because we said yes. This would be like you choosing to get married, and while you are venting/sharing/complaining about something in your marriage, your unmarried friend says to you, “well, you chose this.” As if you’re supposed to know in advance all the complexities and difficulties that comes with marriage without ever being married! I’m baffled why foster care is treated different.
Yes, I choose to follow Jesus and following Jesus is not for the faint of heart. Following Jesus means loving people that are not kind to you, stepping into risky, unknown situations because He calls us, or maybe choosing something you never imagined you’d have to choose. That’s what happened to me.
I never imagined I would have to choose whether or not to become a forever mom as a single person.
I never imagined I would have to choose the FUTURE for two little boys’ lives.
I never imagined I would have to choose whether to inflict more trauma on them.
I never imagined I would have to make these choices alone.
So I gave my choices to God and asked Him to choose. And He said Yes. So I said Yes. And guess what? Every day of my life is pretty hard. But I know Jesus and He wouldn’t want my life to be easy. He longs to grow me so that I can glorify him with every choice I make. And I choose Jesus.