Bye Bye Baby

When is the last time you reached a personal milestone for something you had always hoped would happen in your life? Maybe that was landing your dream job or maybe even quitting a job, graduating college, buying your first car or home, or getting your first pet. If you had a baby you know many of these milestones: first words and steps, first solid foods, weening off or bottles or diapers, learning to ride a bike or skate, first day of school, etc. (the list is endless!). If you’re moving through those memories in your head this minute, was there someone in those memories with you celebrating beside you? Now try to remember them again, but this time imagine there is no one there to smile or laugh with you, embrace you, or share the moment with you. No one along the journey to reach the milestones. No one to provide advice, comfort, and support during the transition period.

Last weekend I officially transitioned my 3yr3mo out of his crib (YES, I was riding that crib wave as long as possible!) and into my 5.5yo’s room to the bottom bunk. I opted for skipping the toddler bed step and just went for it! After one week of some serious antics from both of them we were back to our 8pm-8am sleep schedule (roughly). Thank you to the No Wake clock! After I disassembled the crib and was clearing out the many baby items in the changing table area, the floodgates opened (and yes I let myself cry it all out – thank you therapy!). But not only for the obvious reason of saying goodbye to the baby phase which means no more rocking him to sleep and sweet baby snuggles, no more being safely contained in his little baby jail, and no more cute, soft baby blankets, animals, pictures…everything! Yes, I am grieving because time went by too fast and my baby is no longer a baby. But I’m also grieving because:

  • I met my baby at 6 months old. I missed out on the first 6 months of his life. I missed his first smile, his first laugh, his first time sitting up. I missed the tiny baby phase that I love so much. So if you think time went by so fast with your baby, imagine having lost 6 months! My baby was 19lbs when he was placed in my arms. And my older baby (2.5yo when he arrived), I missed so much more.
  • My dream nursery was half-baked. I love interior design, DIY, and remodeling. I’ve painted every room in my house. In foster care you don’t know who is coming. I set an age range of 6mo-5yo so I didn’t know if a baby was coming at all, but I had to pseudo-prepare for one in order to become licensed. The room you see pictured here was an office/storage room just a few weeks before my boys arrived. My only goal was to get all of the storage things OUT and the baby stuff IN so that I could pass my home study! And then a couple days before the boys arrived I decided I MUST. Paint. The. Walls. Using paint I already had I knocked that out and was putting the finishing touches on the stripes and hanging wall decor when my phone rang for my first placement call. I love how it turned out but it was a complete rush job with no idea if a baby was even coming (nor what gender)!
  • Another big, lonely milestone reached. I found and purchased my home alone. I sold and bought a car alone. I designed and painted every room alone (with a little added elbow grease from some friends). I became a licensed foster parent alone. I became a mom alone. I raised two babies for 2.5 years alone. And now….I come to another big family milestone: I disassembled the crib alone, I transitioned baby into brother’s room alone, and I figured everything out alone. And so I grieve for yet another milestone my future husband and their future dad missed.
  • Lost dreams. With each milestone I reach I always end up re-grieving the loss of that “dream.” Ya know, the one how we pictured our life to become. The spouse, the house, the pet, the yard, the kids, the joy……the list could be endless. And so I shed big tears for the life that I desired (and still do desire).

I can choose to focus on the above four bullets and let it take me to a very sad/dark place (of course, grieving IS healthy and needed but I’m talking about letting it take over). I can choose to soak in self-pity and sadness. Or I can choose to spin these circumstances around and see them how God sees them.

  • I praise God that my baby came at 6mo! I thank God profusely for rescuing him when he did and saving him from further trauma and neglect. How great is our Father?! My precious baby has only known me as his mother and he seems unscathed from trauma thus far. I got a glorious 2.5 years of baby phase with him. And to think I could’ve said bye to him FOR REAL (although I did pre-grieve the loss of him twice but that’s a story for another day!). #thisisfostercare
  • I LOVE my nursery. I spent SO MANY nights pacing or rocking my sweet baby to sleep in this beautiful little 10×10 room. I may not have gotten the time or details that I desired, but it CAME TOGETHER and that room makes my heart so full. It’s a room that I have longed to create for more than a decade. I had expected this particular room to house many babies but turns out it was only meant for my adorably round #mightyalex. HE is the baby that God meant for that room. HE was the one that I created it for.
  • I am not alone. I may feel alone a lot. I may immensely miss having a man by my side. But the truth is that Jesus gave us the Holy Spirit to be our comforter and so He lives in my heart at all times. I can choose to feel sorry for myself that I have to walk through each milestone alone or I can choose to be grateful to be going through such milestones at all! Grateful that I have the talents, knowledge, finances, health, etc. to be going through such magnificent milestones. Yes, being single is extremely lonely but with God our heart can be even more overflowing with love than any spouse could provide.
  • An even better dream. Something happens when you lay down your life for Jesus. He steps in and starts messing up your life a little bit! 😉 How else will you grow?? When people go through trials I actually feel a little happy for them because it’s like, “Here we go, this is your opportunity to grow stronger, closer to God, and be changed! Take advantage! Don’t miss this opportunity to glorify God!” Believe me, I know how awful it feels when you’re going through it – I remember those years vividly (and am currently living some now!). But with each broken dream I chose to eventually stand up, reach for Jesus again, and let my dream be reshaped by Him.

Renewing my mindset was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and have to continue to do. For me it has in no way been a one-time thing. It’s a daily thing in fact. And there are many days I don’t win the battle and I dive pretty deep (especially now being a single parent). The enemy is so real. He creeps at our door waiting for us to stumble. Although the battle feels so real thankfully it has already been won. 🙂 Jesus has already won for us! We just have to embrace that and live it out.

In another post I will share some of the practical things I did to restore my broken heart, renew my mind, and overcome some dream-shattering circumstances. As always, thanks for reading.

When Everyone Else Has Their Hearts’ Desires

Have you ever had these thoughts?

Photo by Rakicevic Nenad on Pexels.com
  • Wow, THEY’re engaged. What do they have that I don’t?
  • WOW, HE found someone to marry him! I am so much more normal (or down to earth, less creepy, less socially awkward, more financially secure, more attractive, etc.) than him (or her).
  • Wow, SHE’s pregnant already! I am so much more deserving. I’ve been patient, I’ve been working on myself, I’ve been waiting on the Lord and now it feels like my time is almost up.

It’s like round-table for me these last few years. Six years ago I entered this “Christian Singles Scene” which was overflowing with normal looking/sounding single people. Coming from a very “coupled-up” world my mind was blown. Where did all of these single people come from?! Why are there so many of them? And how are they not married? I really was perplexed as my world had been one that didn’t have any single people in it! Party after party I attended. Everyone looks pretty nice after all. I danced the night away too many nights to count for a few years. At the very first party I attended I met someone, we dated for a year, and then I had to say goodbye to another man that I thought I would marry. I was 33 years old and found myself truly single (i.e. not dating anyone, no one interested in me, no one by my side) for the first time in my entire adult life. Since then, over the past 5 years I made bunches of single friends and have watched many of them couple-up, get engaged, get married, and have babies. It was like I was re-living my 20s again except that I was the person doing those things back then (minus the babies part). It’s easy to be part of the norm, therefore, easy to believe in God when things are going as planned. It’s really hard to be going against the grain and thus have faith in the stormy uncertainty.

When I see another couple engaged on Facebook, I am honestly filled with both joy and pain simultaneously. Joy that they found someone and are no longer alone. Pain that it still hasn’t happened for me and there hasn’t been a prospect in sight for years. It’s a very confusing, difficult emotion to process. One of the most frustrating Bible verses people love to throw at people in situations like mine is:

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

NEWSFLASH: This doesn’t help at all if you’ve been fully and completely delighting in the Lord for years with zero desires of your heart fulfilled. And on top of it for women, our biological clock is ticking. By throwing this verse at us it can actually turn people away from God. People can give you “proof” that He in fact does NOT give you the desires of your heart. I could definitely show you that “proof” in my life. I am 38 years old and I have desired marriage and kids since I was in my early 20s. I desired to do things the “regular” way like most people. I didn’t desire to walk this really hard foster care path. No one grows up wishing they could carry the heavy burden of a single mom to children with trauma.

So how do we deal with this? Here’s a few things I’ve learned to help me wade through the stormy uncertainty.

  1. His Time, Not My Time. The truth is Psalm 37:4 IS the truth (otherwise it would not be in the Bible!). The part that we like to infer when we read it is: He will give me the desires of my heart when I want them. But it doesn’t say that. God has this really cool, BIG plan that we don’t get to see. His timing is always perfect, and our timing is…..not so much. I have to TRUST that He loves me so much that He knows the very best timing for me. Just like a parent does for their child. Did your mom and dad give you every desire of your heart? Hopefully not! Why not? Because they knew what was best for you in the long run. Example: My 3-yr-old wants to jump off the top bunk bed. Am I going to let him do that? NO WAY! Does he scream like it’s the end of the world when I say no? You bet he does. His world falls apart once again. #threenager
  2. It Isn’t About Me. Someone might need to hear this – EVERYTHING that happens around you is NOT ABOUT YOU! Sometimes people forget, sometimes people are just busy, and usually people are just so wrapped up in their own lives that they are not thinking about how their words and actions affect you. So let’s not get so offended all of the time. The big moment came for me after reading The Four Agreements. This helped me realize I had made many agreements when I was a child that were unhealthy. The biggest one being taking everything personally. When I read about this #2 Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally, I honestly thought what I was reading was crap because how can you not take everything personally?! I had come out a lengthy season of wounding and couldn’t imagine not allowing those things to hurt me. But little by little I was able to unwrap this agreement and alter it. And now I would say that I rarely taking things personally and this is something I never thought I would achieve!
  3. Knowing My Identity. At the core of who you are is who God says you are. The big problem for most of us is we believe what WE say about us. For some, we say we are so great and have no issues! And for others, we say we are inadequate, not worthy, not lovable, etc. Delighting in the Lord means knowing and feeling to your inner most core how much He loves you, He adores you, and You are His beloved son or daughter. He’s like the BEST hug you’ve ever had! Someone who helped me immensely to overcome my false identify beliefs and begin to transform my heart and mind is Janice Seney. Check out her resources here. There is so much more on this topic that I plan to devote several posts to it! #staytuned
  4. A Jesus Calm in the Storm. I desire a “Jesus Calm.” This means when crazy unexpected things happen (like maybe a country-wide #stayhomeworksafe order, a failed marriage, an unexpected pregnancy, a dream job loss, a loved one loss, or a child arriving how you didn’t expect) I am still at peace in my soul. A peace like Jesus had in the little boat with his disciples when a fierce storm was raging, he was peacefully sleeping. But how do we get there? In my experience a lot of traumatic events in your history helps a little! 😉 They made me stronger, better, and firmed up my foundation with the Lord so that it’s pretty hard to break now. So while you wade through this current storm in your own life, just think how you’re in training now and how much stronger you’ll be for the next one! I trust He has that bigger plan going on, He’s working all of this for HIS GLORY, and I’m just along for the ride.
  5. Laying Down my Life for His. The greatest revelation I have had to date, is that my life isn’t mine. My kids are not mine. My things are not mine. If I believe what the Bible says then my Father in Heaven intricately designed me down to every hair on my head. All of the gifts and talents I have are because He gave them to me. And in a split second, He could erase it. I could continue to try and control every thing and every person in my life, but that’s exhausting! I know because I might be a #controlfreak! My dad is VERY controlling. And I’m very much like my dad. 😉 So letting go of things and just letting God handle them is freeing in a way, but also very scary. We are going to deep dive into this in another post as well because we can’t just sit back and do nothing. That is not what this means! But it does mean submitting to His authority, His will, acting in faith, and believing He really does have a great story to write about you. #staytuned
  6. Let the Desire Transform. A lot of us hold SO TIGHT to our own plan we don’t give the Holy Spirit any room to work. We are so stuck on forcing people and things to fit our expectations that we end up miserable when they don’t meet them. I lived like this all through my 20s and as a result ended up in a deeply depressed state for about four years after my whole world was thrown into a tailspin. It was throughout my healing journey with Jesus that he started showing me there are other ways to be a mom! The thought of letting the kids come before the man had never crossed my mind (because the world tells us there is a specific order and way of doing things!). But as I took the baby steps toward foster care, He kept validating it along the way. And so, all those mom skills He gave me and all the messy crooked pieces of my past ended up equipping me to take on a child (or children) who experienced a tremendous loss, who had their world thrown into a tailspin, and be able to provide unconditional love to them. And so you could also say that what Psalm 37:4 really means is: Delight in the Lord and he will change the desires of your heart!

Being single at my age has been so much tougher than I ever expected. I thought after my last breakup that I would just get scooped up by someone else since that was my track record! But then God jumped in and said “Nope, I have WAY BIGGER things in store for you! It’s not going to feel good all of the time but it’s going to blow your socks off!” But still, I look around and see guys much younger than me lacking stability or I see guys much older than me lacking in flexibility and attractiveness. And the few around my age I see a lot of awkwardness, lack of confidence, lack of stability still, and overall non-committal. Do you think I’m wrong? I’d love for you to prove it to me! 🙂

In the end, what are you going to choose? The ways of the world or Jesus? Would you prefer a worldly mindset or a Jesus mindset? I don’t know about you but I’d pick a Jesus mindset any day! More to come! Thanks for reading!

My 2 and 1/2 Year “Quarantine”

It’s basically Groundhog Day over here, EVERY DAY for the last 2.5 years since my boys arrived. I went from a single-with-no-kids life (I call this “SWaNK”) filled with dancing, nice dinners, parties, and all the freedoms a girl could ever want to one with a baby and a toddler where I’ve been isolated in my home EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. So this social distancing thing?? Welcome to my life. Welcome to a world where I am “quarantined” at home every day starting around 4:30pm and then I execute the same exact routine for the last 2.5 years:

  • 5:00pm – Figure out dinner / get dinner ready
  • 6:00pm – Eat dinner followed by cleaning up
  • 7:00pm – Head upstairs for bath time, PJs, brush teeth, read books
  • 8:00pm – Lights out
  • 8:00pm til some varied time – I sit alone trapped in my own home unable to go ANYWHERE

Ditto on the morning routine and basically the entire day. Yes, I go to work each day (well, 3 days a week in the office now) but that’s it. I don’t go grocery shopping, I don’t run errands, I don’t get to freely come and go as I wish, and I don’t get to see friends much at all. But let’s be clear – this is not actually a quarantine. And I’m sure those actually in quarantine would think we’re being pretty insensitive to their situation by saying we are quarantined. I consider this isolation. And, my goodness, adjusting to isolation was EXTREMELY challenging. And not only do I live in isolation, but my life is a hamster wheel. Rinse and repeat. Oh, and guess what? I really hate the mundane.

How have I survived isolation?

  1. All my grocery shopping is handled by SHIPT. Yes, it was an adjustment to have my groceries picked out by someone else but for me it has been WELL WORTH IT. I would highly recommend it. You can add notes on items to tell them to look for certain things. And no, it’s not always perfect but I would say 90% of the time it has been. You rate your shoppers so if you rate someone low, they won’t see your order next time. I’ve been using this service 2 years and it’s been a life saver. Having my groceries show up at my door? Best. Thing. Ever!
  2. Calls with friends. I’m reading a book with a friend and one night a week we discuss one chapter. We have our own little book club and I feel so accomplished having read TWO books together already!
  3. Friends visit me. Thankfully, there are a couple friends still lingering and I have one mom friend who comes to visit me at 8pm once a week just to chat for a couple hours! Since she has a husband, she can leave. What a concept! 😉
  4. Worship night. Once a week I put on worship music, dance around my house, and just sing His praises, cry, listen, sit in His presence, and let it out. Followed up by journaling and getting those millions of thoughts out of my head.
  5. Routine, routine, routine. About a year ago I slipped into a really ugly phase of rebellion. I used to be super self-disciplined with taking care of myself (so that I can take care of my kiddos) meaning there would be many nights I would simply shower and go to bed after they went to bed. But then one night I stayed up extra late to watch a movie for myself. And it felt really great to finally do something for me. But unfortunately this was the beginning of some kind of internal rebellion for my own time and I began staying up later and later and later doing TOTALLY unproductive things like starting at my phone and scrolling facebook or binge watching a show. I truly think I am now addicted to my phone and that has never been me. And thus I’ve been trying to break free from this for many months but wow bad habits are hard to break!! In my most recent attempt I set up a daily activity schedule for both the boys and myself for after they go to bed.
    • Example:
      • Monday: Boys can watch TV (because they ask to do this EVERY DAY it has allowed me to say “Nope, it’s not Monday!” #parentingwin). I read a book.
      • Tuesday: Boys play games. I do my worship/journaling
      • Wednesday: Boys have a dance party. I have my friend visit.
  1. Helpers. Thank you Jesus for the connections I’ve been able to make through the foster care world or my church. There was a time when I had evening help every Monday and every other Tuesday. Not only is this help in the obvious way with the boys but it’s been a massive bonus for my mental health and breaking up the mundaneness.
  2. FaceTime therapy. Yes, folks, there is such a thing! There are therapists that will do virtual calls. A MUST do!
  3. Ice cream. Yeeeaahhhhhh….I wouldn’t recommend this one but it truly has helped me survive! It’s basically my reward for surviving yet another day. At least it’s only a coffee mug size right? Funny story, I recently switched to wine! 😀 Not sure which is better for me?! Feel free to weigh in on that.

The truth is that isolation is hard if it is not your normal way of life. I had to find a new normal. Something I’ve had to do multiple times in my past. This time around, for my own sanity I had to keep seeking ways to improve my new normal since the isolation period went WAY longer than expected. There were times when I actually felt like I was in some sort of mean psychological test – how long can she go until she actually goes crazy?! And I’m currently going through another round of that with the #threenager and ALL THE SCREAMING. But each time I took a break, asked for help AGAIN, and made adjustments to make things better. If you have a hard time asking for help, don’t go into foster care. There are no egos here or pride; just trying to do what’s best for two little boys and that means having other adults in their lives that they can trust.

Photo by Bekka Mongeau on Pexels.com

And the greatest thing of all? God knew all of this was going to happen! And He’s got me and you and everyone! That doesn’t mean everything is going to turn out like I/you want. But there is no need to worry or be anxious because it is HIS WILL be done, not mine. Besides, worrying doesn’t help the situation at all. I know this is way easier said than done (believe me, I was plagued with worry when I didn’t know what would happen with my boys) but in the end it’s all a mental game. And you can win this game. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Speak LIFE-giving words over yourself and your family. Pray, pray, pray and talk to God. Read GOOD things, not just the BAD things. And do your best to believe He’s turning this unexpected, challenging, sad, and messy difficult time into something beautiful. Because I can tell you, HE IS.

ONE YEAR is Here!

Photo by Melanie Wright Photography

The last time I wrote those exact words above it was our One Year of being in foster care. I threw a party to celebrate not only my survival of an ENTIRE YEAR but it doubled as a farewell party since the boys would be moving to an adoptive family soon. Obviously that never happened. #thisisfostercare

But today I celebrate an even greater milestone!! ONE YEAR since my boys became Ho’s! And yes, it’s OK to laugh at that. 😉

What a better time to launch my new blog than to celebrate this milestone that I never thought would happen to me! When I met these two cuties they were just 6-months and 2.5-years-old. Today, they are 3 and 5.5yo! I am not sure what dimension I live in now but time runs at warp speed these days. Where did my babies go?!

Adopted life is waaaaaay better than foster life! I have certainty now that they are NOT leaving, I can plan for our future, I can make permanent changes in our lives to support this whole single parenting thing, and best of all I can soak in the moments and love them freely without fear or anxiety. Foster care was ROUGH, y’all (will share more reflections in future posts) but we made it through and are now a Forever Family! Was it worth it? You bet! Would I do things differently a second time around? You bet! Would I foster again? A double yes!

What have I learned in the past year?

  • The freedom from foster care paperwork and visits from various CPS/legal parties is nice!
  • I’m finally used to my boys having my last name! #theNewHoFamily
  • Not only is single parenting extremely draining on all levels (physically, mentally, and emotionally) enduring it for such a long time brings ever more challenges.
  • Elementary school life is a BIG adjustment coming from daycare!
  • Daycare is craaaaazy expensive, especially when I was paying for two.
  • People assume I birthed these kids (aka I’ve gotten some interesting questions!)
  • Married folks really like to tell me they “know how I feel” being a single parent. #youdont
  • Breaking generational sins in family takes completely re-wiring your instincts and thought patterns.
  • God is still good. And He’s taking such good care of us!

The past year has brought even further challenges for me mentally and emotionally. Sometimes I think, how long can I run without any rest? How long can I continue to do this alone? Well, the answer is: Not very long. When we were in foster care I pushed myself so far making sacrifice after sacrifice because I “knew” it would be temporary. I maxed myself out on all levels….and then the boys stayed and I never got to recover. I’ve taken time off work, I’ve had weekends off from them, but I have not been able to recoup all that I had lost. And thus comes in the grieving. I grieved for my ability to rest, to leave the house whenever I want, to shower anytime I choose, to go out dancing or to a movie (or to any social event with friends!), to have a quiet and peaceful home, to sleep in on Saturdays, for the failed reunification with their birth parents, and once again for the dream that still hangs out in my heart of desiring a husband and THEN kids. Now I’m doing it all backwards, and honestly, it really sucks a lot of the time.

But then I remember my purpose. I have known since I was little that my heavenly Father had a purpose for me (even though I didn’t know Him) and that was to be a Mother. I used to get labeled as someone who has “baby fever” and that always irked me. I would respond with “I’ve had baby fever my whole life!” I just LOVE babies!! And I really do. Even though this process has been so difficult that I lose sight of it sometimes, when I pause to look up He reminds me that every gift and talent I possess was because He gave it to me. He designed me for this mission. He took all those broken, odd-shaped pieces and formed a masterpiece. He rescued these two little boys (and me too!). And I continue to lay down my life at His feet in order for His glory to shine through me as much as possible.

This past year has also been incredibly beautiful. I have never loved a human being more than I loved these two. I am surprised at how the same gushy “in love” feelings I know so well in a romantic sense feel almost exactly the same way here for my sons! I have two sons!! Sometimes it’s still strange to say/write! 😆 Being able to love them fully and freely (without the weight of knowing I would have to say goodbye) changed everything for us. I fell head over heels for them. And WOW did it come bursting forth and suddenly I was looking up at my Heavenly Father realizing that THIS TREMENDOUS feeling is just a glimpse of how He feels about me, His beloved daughter. And so I sit and soak that in as best I can and let it heal the cracked places of my heart.

Just last week I completed the final step of the adoption process: social security cards with new names and numbers. It took so long because the birth certificates take several months and then my name was misspelled so I had to send them back. And so….the adoption process is DONE! They have new identities, a new parent, a new home, and a completely new life. It’s completely surreal at times. It may not be how I imagined it but that’s OK because God did imagine it exactly as it happened. And I trust Him to fill in the gaps for us along this wild journey.

For more on what’s coming in this blog check out Why Did I Start a Blog?.

Why Did I Start a Blog?

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

A few months ago I was sowing into a new friend who had just ended a long-term relationship with a man who she thought was going to be her husband. All to familiar with this situation I started sending her uplifting prayers, sharing my book collection, forwarding inspiring blogs, sending podcasts, sharing my tips and tools for renewing your mindset and checking in routinely with her. Suddenly, I felt ignited – the best I’d felt in years! In a season of extreme isolation and exhaustion, I felt happy. I knew I had a lots of tools in my belt (I mean, my heart has been shredded more than once 😢) but many I had forgotten until the time came to help my friend grow in her identity and love herself like Christ loves her! I was reminded of all the things I worked so hard at and overcame to become the woman I am today. The things that shaped me into a woman with a healed heart, content in her singleness, sacrificing herself, and living for God’s Kingdom.

Three years ago I started walking through the process to become a licensed foster parent. I knew nothing of the world of Child Protective Services, lawyers, childhood trauma, the drug crisis, nor any foster parents. But the Lord set a clear path and so I walked naively through the licensing process, getting my first placement, and navigating the very broken system which beat me up pretty well! But it also led me to becoming forever mom to two of the cutest little boys you’ll ever meet! Life of a single mom is one of extreme isolation and exhaustion, but there is hope.

Jesus saved me. He transformed my heart from a hard, detached one lacking empathy to a deeply loving, compassionate one. He turned me from always looking inward at myself to outward at others and up at Him. Jesus went from a name I KNEW to a man that I LOVE more than anyone in this world. Why? Because He rescued me from a life of judgement (major INTJ here) and unhealthy strongholds like perfectionism and pride. He suffered IMMENSELY and DIED FOR ME. And as someone who can’t think of a single person right now who would lay down his/her life for her, knowing that Jesus already did just gets me every time! *tear*

And so, you will find three themes in this blog: living a healthy, whole kingdom single life, foster care awareness and single parenting, and underlying all of it is a real love for Jesus. The purpose of this blog is to inspire you (let’s speak LIFE instead of rants and complaining!), get you to think outside of the cultural norms that are so ingrained in us (hello, Jesus’ way), but also bring reality to the hardships of both singleness and foster care (no sugar coating here). Ready, set, let’s go!